A couple of four months ago, I posted a photograph of a discarded hot-pink sofa in the alley behind our apartment. Well, yesterday brought another interesting garbage photo-op: next to the dumpster was a seemingly brand new tan bidet complete with shiny chrome spigot (uncannily similar to the one shown here) that some unsophisticate removed from their domicile.

Unfortunately the local junkman - who roams the alley in a old red pickup chock-full o' old tires, barbed wire, and rusty bedframes - snatched it up before I could grab my normally ever-present camera. He picked it up and put it *on top* of the already-groaning 6-foot-high pile of junk in the truck bed that heaves precariously over every speed bump in the alley.

The junkman made quite the find that morning: that bidet was probably worth its weight in gold, or at least domestic Wagyu steaks. These babies retail for over $500.00 apiece. That's almost as much as a government-issue toilet seat*.

Edgewater neighbors: if you see the junkman's red pickup, run, don't walk! Before the tan bidet falls off and lands on your car/head/dog/baby stroller.

* Correction: according to Wikipedia, 'President Reagan held a televised news conference in 1987, where he held up one of these shrouds and stated: "We didn't buy any $600 toilet seat. We bought a $600 molded plastic cover for the entire toilet system." '

Labels: chicago, humor, toilets

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  A rather unfortunate (but appropriate) dynamic ad appears on the right side of this CNN story on the Northwest 253 attempted bombing, where suspect Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab unsuccessfully tried to detonate an explosive device secreted in his trousers, badly burning himself in the process.

Labels: humor, news, security, transit

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  Glad Jul! This set of Christmas lights purchased last year at Target remind me of an old imported Italian light set my family had when I was a child. Those Italian lights had a set of three concentric colored plastic "crowns" that reflected and transmitted the colored light from the bulb in a magical fashion. I used to stare into the tree and unfocus my eyes, watching the lights' myriad colors coruscate across the tinsel and ornaments like a kaleidoscope.

We used that set of lights for over ten years, until several bulbs burned out and the electric current running through the remaining ones increased to the point it overheated the others, causing some of plastic "crowns" to melt over the bulbs. Not the safest design, but they were the most beautiful Christmas lights I've ever seen. I'm pretty certain that 1970 set was not UL Listed (ha!) but they were still a sight safer than the actual wax Christmas tree candles my parents and grandparents used to have on their (natural) trees when they were kids.

Both of them have hair-raising stories of trees that caught fire and threatened to burn down the family home, if not for a quick-thinking relative that doused the burning branches with water or tossed the flaming tree out the door into the snow. Those were the good old days...

Labels: humor, safety, xmas

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Labels: chicago, humor, photo

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  What do these pictures have in common? Hint: what do they depict?

Labels: humor, photo, science

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You think a day on the prairie herding cattle is tough? Well, that ain't nothin', pardner... [Thanks, Daphne!]

Labels: humor, video

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Do they serve bran muffins instead of communion wafers? Is the priest Fabio?

Labels: chicago, humor, photo, religion

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Fron CNN: classy, very classy.

Labels: humor, news, photo

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Very tasty Mediterranean eats (in the restaurant, of course), and a fascinating "pilgrimage" bathroom, to boot. On North Avenue, in Chicago.

Labels: chicago, humor, photo

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Next time, maybe they'll bring an extra can. [Seen April 21, 2008, under the 59th Street Metra tracks in Hyde Park]

Labels: chicago, humor

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1. Earworms; especially those hatched from old Steely Dan or Duran Duran songs.
2. The Yebeg Tibs Watt I had for dinner.
3. Is Black Sigatoka fungus the reason we have no bananas in the house?
4. Our dog Sammy's flatulence after consuming an entire roast beef Nylabone™ (no relation to #2). "Organic!" plus "wholesome!" does not equal "odorless!"
5. Toasti Toes™ (see picture). It's like a David Lynch film: you know Super Mario the lumberjack and his axe are somehow responsible for those dismembered toes appearing in a toaster. "With Adhesive!" All the better to stick to your ribs, dearie! And why the hell is that rabbit skiing?
6. "Kenmore's on fire again!" Why do all the fire engines take a short cut down our peaceful street at night?
7. The concept of a Vice President named Huckabee.
8. Our upstairs neighbor moving furniture at 2:00am, because stylish interior design waits for no man (or woman).
9. The effect of Daylight Savings Time versus Earth's rotation slowing down.
   
10. Eliot Spitzer Admits Involvement in Prostitution Ring: was he bolstering NY's budget by running one? Then yes. Patronizing one? Meh; not so much.

Labels: humor, politics, soapbox

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Labels: chicago, humor, photo

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Lesson: crappy generic email generates crappy generic response.

Thank-you. Your correspondence has been received and will be dealt with shortly.

Recruitment
Human Resources Division
Chancelry Building 10A
The Australian National University
Canberra ACT 0200
Australia

Labels: humor

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  Spotted recently on State Street in Chicago, across from Marshall Field's Macy's: an unusual use of our city's JC Decaux "Street Furniture" bus shelter ads, using real popcorn to fill the space where the electric advertising rollers normally reside.

Although poor old Orville (a native son of Valparaiso, Indiana, which hosts an annual Popcorn Festival in his honor) is long dead and gone, his Jimmy Carter-esque grin still adorns jars and bags of his company's corn products - but bus stops in Chicago?

There's just one small problem. If you view the full-size photo (go ahead, click - it only leads to the Flickr page), you may notice that the Orville Redenbacher popcorn, in the left bin, looks amazingly similar to the generic THEIRS popcorn in the right bin. So similar, you'd be hard pressed to notice any difference at all - in size, color, "lightness," or "fluffiness." It's the same damn corn on both sides! All they did was pour more of it in the Orville Redenbacher side!

Couldn't they at least emphasize their snack products' reputed superiority by tossing a few handfuls of "old maids" into the THEIRS bin? Maybe a cockroach or two for extra effect?

We, the Consumer, deserve more than more popcorn. We deserve LIGHTER and FLUFFIER POPCORN, especially if you're going to parade it out on State Street in Chicago for [insert Winter holiday of your choice].

Labels: chicago, culture, humor, photo

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  Things got a little, ahem, hairy today over at Boing Boing:



My Bloglines aggregator captured the RSS feed's original typo, but the post's title has been corrected on the actual website. However, if you look at the post's URL, it's still:

http://www.boingboing.net/2007/10/31/chicago-pubic-radio.html.

(Sorry; I have a soft spot for Beavis-and-Butthead-type humor. If you think that's bad, consider the fact that I recall once making the same typo on an undergrad term paper - which the professor thankfully ignored or missed. - Ed.)

Labels: chicago, humor

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via videosift.com

After all, what's an eternity in hellfire compared to good healthy dose of fiber? A little Australian theological silliness.

Sharp-eyed 80's music fans will note a cameo by Australian Shadow Minister for the Environment Peter Garrett, who takes an apple from the snake at about 2:08. You may remember him as the gangly bald leader of Midnight Oil. [via Neatorama]

Labels: humor, religion, video

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PLAINFIELD, N.J. (October 21 2005) -- Six Foot Snake Found In Toilet

A blocked drain at a home in North Plainfield, N.J., led to the discovery of a 6-foot snake in a family's toilet. Pete and Debbie Bias suspected there was a problem with their home's plumbing system after nearly a week of messy backups. The blockage moved mysteriously from the toilet in the basement to the second-floor bathroom, according to the report. The couple decided to move the toilet off its base to investigate the problem and found a 6-foot Brazilian Rainbow Boa named "Freddy."

"I called my wife over, she took a look at it and she said, 'Yeah, it looks like we have a snake in the drain,'" Pete Bias said. Police called in a local pet store owner Craig Ost to remove the reptile. "Luckily I grabbed it by the head," Ost said. "If I grabbed it by the tail, the thing probably would have scurried down the drain." It was not determined how Freddy wound up in the toilet but the Bias family suspects it entered the home through the sewer system.

Okay...it's old news. But tell me you don't appreciate a Monday good laugh at the expense of New Jersey.

Labels: humor, NJ

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  * Arlene: Dolls really scare some people. Not usually me, but this picture does.
* Ryan Thompson: The "War on Christmas" is inside Bill O'Reilly's head.
* James: Any wagering on when "wide stance" enters the Oxford English Dictionary?
* Alan Truism: I recently discovered Liver Cheese in my local grocer's deli section and am quite delighted with it....
* J.A.: I'm guilty of several things on your list, though we're going to marry too because we're likely to m...
* gregor: that looks like it was taken just after crossing the Walt Whittman into NJ from Philly.
* Dajvid: Rumor has it that Marianna Faithful is god. Can you confirm?

Labels: humor

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  Seen scratched into the stall wall in the UC Bookstore ladies' room:



All it takes is a few careless jokes: you get the sidewalk laughing, and next thing you know...



I thinks the persons who is responsible will thinks its ment to be offensive.

Labels: chicago, humor, photo

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Just received this in my inbox, bereft of explication:

It is important to note that the placement of the humps is determined by a multitude of factors including location of catch basins, and most important, the dimensions of the block to ensure a regular hump location pattern. In other words, it is almost impossible to guarantee that humps will not be placed in front of any specific building.

Eh?

Ooops, wrong Alanis Morrissette video: I guess the e-mailer was referring to the new speed humps (otherwise known as "speed bumps" in the the rest of the civilized world) that will be installed in my 'hood soon.

Labels: chicago, humor, video

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