Dear readers of this blog (however rarefied your ranks may be by now),

Certainly the best way to return from a lengthy hiatus is with a hearty war, crime, and bathroom-related posting, and this piece from Mother Jones does not disappoint. From Vancouver to North Carolina, privies are bearing the brunt of these near-Apocalyptic violent times, as humanity's sensibilities and bowels suffer the consequences.

Perhaps Mother Russia has a thing or two to teach us about [E]sc[h]atology...these are no mere stainless-steel jailhouse crappers, but

"...self-maintaining, solar-powered, and terrorist-proof toilet cabins, as reported by the Moscow Times. This Swiss Army knife of a potty is made of a fibrous concrete that can withstand a bomb blast. Demonstrated as part of Moscow's Clean City expo in June, 'its appearance can be modeled to fit the architectural surroundings, even in the old part of the city,' the Times reported chirpily. My takeaway: If I'm ever in Moscow and feel the ground trembling, I'll dive into the nearest loo."

Bombs away? "Мы вас похороним!" Indeed.

Something strange is definitely going on: Boulder, CO didn't warn residents about erupting toilets
Exploding toilets surprise some Palo Alto, CA residents
The Strange Case of the Exploding Toilets: Japan residents on high alert

Labels: 2012, canada, crime, security, toilets, war

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  A couple of four months ago, I posted a photograph of a discarded hot-pink sofa in the alley behind our apartment. Well, yesterday brought another interesting garbage photo-op: next to the dumpster was a seemingly brand new tan bidet complete with shiny chrome spigot (uncannily similar to the one shown here) that some unsophisticate removed from their domicile.

Unfortunately the local junkman - who roams the alley in a old red pickup chock-full o' old tires, barbed wire, and rusty bedframes - snatched it up before I could grab my normally ever-present camera. He picked it up and put it *on top* of the already-groaning 6-foot-high pile of junk in the truck bed that heaves precariously over every speed bump in the alley.

The junkman made quite the find that morning: that bidet was probably worth its weight in gold, or at least domestic Wagyu steaks. These babies retail for over $500.00 apiece. That's almost as much as a government-issue toilet seat*.

Edgewater neighbors: if you see the junkman's red pickup, run, don't walk! Before the tan bidet falls off and lands on your car/head/dog/baby stroller.

* Correction: according to Wikipedia, 'President Reagan held a televised news conference in 1987, where he held up one of these shrouds and stated: "We didn't buy any $600 toilet seat. We bought a $600 molded plastic cover for the entire toilet system." '

Labels: chicago, humor, toilets

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