Tuesday, June 20, 2006
Lawn Flamingo Violence 
by Lenka Reznicek [permalink] 
I must say - there are some very strange, strange people in Illinois, and they don't like lawn ornaments. These miscreants also won't stop at kidnapping garden gnomes: they mean business. (via NBC 5 Chicago):
A week ago Monday, [Mary] Husa's husband, Jim, rose early and noticed something fluttering outside the front door of their home in the southern suburb, not far from a "Welcome Friends" sign. It was a ransom note, held in place by (a severed wooden) flamingo head. "To whom it may concern, if you ever want to see your precious flamingo again please clean the (expletive) out of your yard," the note began, according to Will County sheriff's police.

Along with the headless flamingo, the Husas lost a pineboard Dalmatian dog that was near their lamp post and Mary's beloved cast-iron cat, which for years had looked ready to pounce from the corner of a front-yard flower box.
The note, in red and black ink on lined notebook paper, also told the couple to leave $25,000 in fake money and some Boone's Farm wine "at the White Hen behind the Twist-N-Shake (ice cream parlor)." If the instructions weren't followed (and they weren't), the lawn ornaments would meet an untimely end, the note said. [read full story]
Of course, if I had to stare at a yard full of whirligigs and plywood cutouts, I might snap too, but at least I might have the presence of mind to ask for a modestly priced California cabernet.