First of all, when making a tuna sandwich, don't use leftover mayonnaise packets from that freebie catered box lunch you had last weekend but didn't discard because you're so environmentally conscious - and you didn't want to add fuel to the burgeoning kitchen drawer where you normally hide them.

Second, if you're adding dried cranberries and mustard because you're adventurous in the kitchen, don't compound the problem by adding dried onion flakes to your tuna salad because you're fresh out of fresh onions.

Last, and perhaps most important, don't use that ancient whole wheat bread you found in the back of the fridge that has fuzzy mold spots you won't discover until you take your third bite.

Music: "Is This The Way That Tigers Do?" by His Name Is Alive, and
"Little Fuzzy Vegetables" by Mark Mandel
After this debacle, I discovered that Whole Paycheck Foods now offers a Tuna Salad with Cranberries. Mercy.

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