Two calamities does not a trend make, but I suspect I should be more careful what kind of beer I purchase, lest it cause a natural disaster. Let me explain.

Last December, I bought a six-pack of imported *Lion® beer from Sri Lanka for our beer files; shortly thereafter, the island nation was devastated by the Asian tsunami of December 26th, 2004. About two weeks ago, we bought some Turbodog™ and Purple Haze™ beer made by the Abita Brewing Company of Abita Springs, Lousiana. And y'all know what happened next.

If you'd like to guarantee your region's safety from watery inundation, kindly email me your geographic location and I will do my best not to buy any beer from your part of the world. I can't guarantee it'll work, but hey - I've got a few cans of tiger repellent left in my pantry, too. Works great.

* Deutsch-o-philes will recognize that the name "Löwenbräu™" also means "lion beer." However, I think it's safe to buy German beer, as it is highly unlikely that nation will ever see a hurricane, cyclone, or typhoon.

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