Suzette at Traveling in Style has a humorous musing today on the workplace restroom "candy machine" - ladies, you know what I'm talking about. Go visit Su and be prepared to leave your quarter in the dispenser comments! Anyhow, she inspired me to check out my own workplace restroom. Mine has a "candy machine" that is rarely empty, too; but that's probably because the majority of those who use this particular location are post-menopausal. Not a value judgement, ladies, just an observation.

Our "candy" comes in those clunky cardboard boxes that hearken back to the 1970's. You know - Peter Max® pinks, purples, and oranges, O'Keefe-ish flowers and winsome young women with Mary Tyler Moore hair, swooning in menstrual bliss...maybe that's what they used to call the "vapors."

Speaking of vapors, we do have a Candyland of air freshener sprays - no less than four at any given time. No one seems to know who brings them in: is it a version of the "Hint Mint"? Someone in my department apparently has bathroomodorphobia. What's odd is that despite the array of covering scents we're mysteriously provided which, someone always manages to latch the windows shut so that no actual fresh air gets into the bathroom. Now, I know this is Chicago, but still, I'd rather breathe the exhalations of a hundred CTA buses than the miasma lingering in the loo on most days (especially after doing a little research on particulate dispersion dynamics). The logic escapes me.

This week's menu is:

• After The Rain: A clean but cloyingly euphemistic aroma one uses after something, not necessarily rain.
• Clean Linens: My second favorite, a nostalgic Leave-It-To-Beaverish scent that makes me want to reach for an ironing board and a box of Triscuits™.
• Forest Breeze: Overtones of pine and spruce with buoyant, friendly floral notes, effective in neutralizing the stoutest of logs that..ahem..."fall in the forest when no-one is there to listen," if you get my drift.
• Hawaiian Breeze: My favorite - a festive, exotic pina-colada-esque blend of coconut and pineapple that's incongruous in a public restroom, but cheery enough to make you forget any embarassment suffered when having to face co-workers who walk after one's morning constitutional. Makes every trip to the john a party!

Actually, it makes me think of a luau, but that's just wrong.

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