SCHWARTZITE (Ground SCHWARTZ)-When swallowed, causes severe gastrointestinal upset similar to an ulcer. Very useful before business meetings, public speaking and in divorce court.

SHITZT - Helps to channel the creative energies of dead people who, in their previous lives, had none. They still don't. And nothing is quite like the inane and mindless small talk of some peasant who lived 400 years ago. Very practical when responding to USENET messages.

PONTIUS PILITES - Gives one hemorrhoids that hang like grapes.

IRIQUOISE - Strips away fear of heights. Promotes loathing of French people and guides one in the smuggling of cigarettes. (A Quebec/New York inside joke/ethnic slur)